(Heads up: Post includes swearing….)

So I need some encouraging words/advice….

What do you do when you are exercising daily, eating right, and not engaging in eating disorder behaviors (a.k.a for myself that would mean not binging and purging..) and after 7 days of working your ass off you get on the scale and you are 4. Pounds. Heavier.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

All I want to know is why? I’m not going to continue to whine and bitch because let’s be honest, that’s going to get me nowhere.

Is this part of the recovery process? I don’t know…I’m trying really hard not to get discouraged but it’s really difficult since starting recovery treatment I have gained 12 pounds and I was on a maintenance diet the entire time.

Can anyone offer some advice or insight?

As I write this, I’m laying in my bed with a very uncomfortably full stomach. I started the day off as I usually did…optimistic that I wouldn’t fall back into my binge/purge cycle again. But around dinner time,…I could feel the urge. B/p was calling for me, and as usual I wanted to answer. My mom had just gotten back from the grocery store and I had every intention of sneaking off with the snacks and cereal she had bought and eat it all. I did manage (unfortunately) to successfully START the beginning of my binge..but my mom was right there to stop me. She grabbed all the snacks and cereal and left me with my first (and only) heaping bowl of All Bran. A part of me wanted to chase her down and take back the food. Pathetic, right? But no I continued to sit. Then she made a comment…was both needed and not needed. (A little background, I just got back from inpatient treatment for my ED going on 2 weeks now) she said something along the lines of, “You should’ve just stayed there!” not exactly knowing what she meant by “where” I asked her, “stayed where? The hospital?” she said, “yeah, clearly you’re not any better.” Ouch. That cut me deep. I shouldn’t take offense, because in the end she’s right. Something about that comment made me NOT want to eat the rest of my All Bran. Something about that comment hit me so hard my desires to binge halted, and even with my belly bulging, I wasn’t going to purge either. Now maybe at the time (a.k.a 10 minutes ago) I was extremely angry and hurt, I am now thankful. Because thanks to that comment I am not going to purge today. Thanks to that comment I won’t be having my daily encounter with the porcelain throne. Thanks to that comment, I will be purge free day 1. :) I call that, a victory.